The saga continues (a.h.)
Jun. 02, 2004

well, as it turns out, i was right all along about our old friend AH. As our daily struggle has continued, and gotten worse and worse, I recently decided to do some much needed research on our "arch" enemy. The things I have found are way more than troublesome, they are probably diagnosable...

The first story, as related to me by the man who put the hammer down is... A.H. was just a poor man who grew up in the throbbing metropolis that is known as Lebanon, TN (pronounced lebnun), as for his childhood, no one knows whether he was happy or sad, but I suspect there was much bedwetting and/or pet torture involved. A.H. found his claim to fame when he accidentally knocked up an almost famous (then) country singer that we'll call Mylona Fudd, and subsequently married her. Mylona, once she came out of the haze, and realized she had gotten married simply to anger her mother, "Bayomi", immediately cut him off from all monies, child visitation, and all the other perks he had gotten used to as a kept man. This made A.H. very angry angry in fact, that he attempted to attack Mylona in a public nightclub. Mylona, however, by this time had become quite famous and had a bodyguard. A.H.'s attack became a waterloo very quickly, resulting in the lovely set of false teeth he wears this very day. Not coincidentally, that bodyguard is Mylona's husband now, and by all reports they are very happy. A.H. may still be harboring some type of grudge against women.

Which brings us to the next story, as related to me by a fine member of our local police...

A.H. met a new girl, well he didn't exactly meet her, he actually saw her, became infatuated(?), and began stalking her. Apparently, his attempts at romance were rebuffed, repeatedly. After he discovered that she already had a boyfriend, who worked for a local car dealership, A.H. apparently thought the best way to win this girl's affection would be through vandalizing and destroying as many cars on the aforementioned car lot as possible. Once again, the best made plan had turned to shit. What was A.H. to do? He did what any real man would do...He started waiting for the girl to go to work, broke into her house using a reprogrammed garage door opener, and defecated in her shoes. Repeatedly. Until he was arrested.

Which brings us to the present time, in which, our little restaurant can't have valet parking anymore. Why? you may ask. Well, as it turns out, the excitement of stalking is just too much to give up. Apparently, a nice 16 year old girl thought an easy summer job parking cars would be just the thing for her, the work is not too hard, the tips are good, and the hours are agreeable. Unfortunately, she parked the wrong car one night, and ran across the path of our favorite personality disorder. I would provide more details, but since the matter is apparently still under investigation by certain authorities, I cannot. Suffice it to say that this has been one interesting summer so far, and that my daily life with A.H. still continues.